Lets make this very clear, having a baby is nothing like you ever see in films. It's often longer and harder and involves a lot more swearing. You can't fully understand what having a baby is like till you've done it. So if you're expecting and want to know what to expect or you're just intrigued as to how it all plays out, here's a list of things you don't hear often about being in labour.
Please note, I went into labour naturally, before my due date and had an emergency C-section due to Mol being back to back so I can't give you much advice on delivering a baby naturally/being induced/overdue. If anyone experienced any of these things and has anything they'd like to add, please let me know!
Please note, I went into labour naturally, before my due date and had an emergency C-section due to Mol being back to back so I can't give you much advice on delivering a baby naturally/being induced/overdue. If anyone experienced any of these things and has anything they'd like to add, please let me know!
- You will convince yourself you're in labour for weeks before it happens - Oh my god my stomach hurts, this is it. I'm having my baby today. No, wait, it's just indigestion. Braxton hicks are the devil. They're painful and awful and you will think you're in labour before you actually are.
- Your waters breaking is not the first sign of being in labour - Not many people experience the gush of their waters breaking in an embarrassing public place like in films. Some people do, some people's leak and some people's don't break till they're in established labour or have to have them broken for them at the hospital
- Labour is long - especially if it's your first baby. Some people are only in labour for a couple of hours, some people (like me) are in labour for a couple of days.
- The hospital don't want you in unless your baby is hanging out of you - slight exaggeration but you will more than likely get sent home unless you're 4cm dilated or more. I was very lucky to be 5cm dilated when I got to hospital, if I'd be sent home without pain relief I'd probably have chinned the midwife.
- Gas and air is bittersweet - Amazing pain relief, it's so good, your whole body goes numb. However it makes your mouth dryer than the beaches in Dubai and makes you feel absolutely smashed off prosecco after a couple of breaths. It actually made me pass out but I became so reliant on it that the midwives basically had to fight it out of my hand. If I could get it on prescription for headaches I 100% would.
- You will say shit that you don't mean - let's not forget that labour is tiring and painful and whilst you're off you face on diamorphine and fatigue you will spout absolute bullshit to your birthing partner. I remember shouting "why couldn't I just be a seahorse" to Matt whilst mid contraction
- There is no pride in not having pain relief - I have so much respect for people who have no pain relief during labour but I have respect for anyone who has a baby. Please don't think having pain relief makes you any less of a person. You need to be as relaxed as possible and if getting off your face on gas and air is going to achieve that, knock yourself out (not literally like I did)
- You might spew - I did, I'm not sure if it's the gas and air, the tiredness or the heat in the birthing rooms but I was so sick. It's not nice but it's perfectly normal
- You will tell yourself you can't do it at least twice - I was shouting this at the midwife whilst pushing because I was in absolute agony, I'd been pushing for two hours and had achieved absolutely jack shit. The gas and air had been taken off me, I was falling asleep between contractions and basically had reached the point where I couldn't be arsed anymore and just wanted to go to sleep and try again tomorrow. This is normal, but you can do it. You're made to do it, no matter how it happens.
- If you have a C-section you have to sign your life away - I remember that as soon as they decided I needed an emergency C-section everything moved so quickly and I don't recall much of it but I do remember being presented with a piece of paper to sign. Apparently they told me what it said but I don't have a clue, I kept falling asleep whilst they were telling me. I still have my copy of it and I don't know who's signature is on it but it sure as hell isn't mine. I was that tired and in pain I may have well have just put an X.
- Liquid Morphine is life - If I could have that shit for breakfast, I would. You get this the day after you've had a section to help with the pain. Think little syringes filled with what tastes like calpol but 100 times stronger. I did not feel any pain the day after and it was amaaaazing.
- Please have skin to skin contact with your baby - I ended up being knocked out by general anaesthetic so didn't get to meet Mol till she was a few hours old and I didn't get the opportunity to do skin to skin contact. Please please make sure you ask the midwives to put your baby straight on your chest when they're born if you can. It's one thing I feel like I really missed out on.
- Contractions hurt - there's no sugar coating it, it's painful. They're like horrific period pains, paired with back ache and constantly feeling like you're about to shit yourself, lovely.
I'm hoping none of this has put you off, labour isn't fun but it is so worth it. My best advice is don't stress about it and choose your birthing partner wisely. I was very lucky to have Matt there who was amazing the whole way through; make sure you choose one or two people who are gonna keep you relaxed, make you laugh and not get grossed out. If you're about to have a baby, good luck. If you've had a baby, well done and if you're a lad and none of this applies to you then remember when you have to go through this with your partner, keep your shit together.